Work.

The company I work for is a never ending source of entertainment. It is a steady stream of morons calling in, because they are either too stupid or too lazy to look for things themselves, or they cant find something but don't know at all what they are looking for. Don't get me wrong, sometimes the customers are nice, or even funny, but the majority of the time not so much.

Typical calls include:
"what page is _____ on in the catalogue?" (there is an index in the back of the book, just like any other catalogue.)
"I'm looking for this thing that you dont carry, and I cant describe what it is." (so how can I possibly help you? duh!)
"I cant get in to the website." (Did you click the pasword reset button? no? then do that and you will be able to get in. DUH!)


Sometimes, I get a real gem like this lady:

Me: "Thanks for calling xxx company, how can I help you?"
Her: "I need to order some stuff"
Me: "Okay, can I have your account number?"
Her: "No I dont know it"
Me: "Okay, what is your phone number"
Her: "555-5555"
Me: "Okay, I'll give you your account number so that you have it for next time"
Her: "Dont bother"
Me: "... Okay. What was your name?"
Her: "Lori, can I just order now? *sigh*"
Me: "Okay, what would you like to order?"
Her: "I need paper towel for my dispenser"
Me: "And which product number would you like?"
Her: "*louder sigh* I dont know! Can't you find it"
Me: "Okay let me check your past orders to see if I can find it.. Okay so I see two products that you have ordered in the past, one is xxxxxxx and the other is yyyyyyy, do you know which one it is that you need?"
Her: "No"
Me: "Okay.. Do you have our Catalogue in front of you?"
Her: "Yeah, I had to open it because you wont help me. this is getting fucking ridiculous. I cant believe I actually had to open my catalogue."
Me: "Oh, so just like everyone else then.. I have a catalogue open to page 623."
Her: "I want to speak with your manager"
Me: "Gladly, let me put you through"
Her: "Nevermind, lets just get this order done and then I'll decide if I want to complain to your manager."
Me: "Alright, of these two products that you have previously ordered, which one is the item you are looking for?"
Her: "Neither, the one I get is xxxx brand, not YYY brand. God, why cant you find this?"
Me: "... In the catalog, which item is the one you want?"
Her: "I DONT KNOW! FOR FUCKS SAKE!!"
Me: ".. Excuse me, I dont appreciate your tone, you called me, provided me with NO information whatsoever, and you have the nerve to get mad at ME because you are too inept to use a catalogue? I am trying to help you, if you want to talk to me like that you can deal with someone else. If you are ready to talk to me like a mature adult I am more than willing to help you, but I do not get paid to take your abuse."
Her: "Just order me yyyyyy"
Me: "Okay and did you want anything else"
Her: "No."
Me: "Did you still want to speak with my manager?"
Her: "No"
Me: "Okay, have a nice day Lori"
*click*


Then, there are the people I work with. I work with one woman that I absolutely cant stand. Everything about her annoys me beyond belief. She is in Amway or Quickstar, which in my opinion is akin to a cult. (My parents were in Amway when I was young and I couldnt believe the things I learned about that pyramid scheme. All of the women have huge hair and look like early 90's country stars. They also have that glazed over Manson Girl's look to them. Freaky.) She has a tendincy to get a little ragey with customers and co-workers, and seems to think she is above everyone else here. She has had more complaints against her than anyone that works here. She is totally confrontational, and she has this fucking irritating phone voice that is like 8 octaves higher than her normal voice.

The only thing keeping me from stabbing her eye out with my letter opener is that I dont think I'd do well in prison.